Reflections On Psalm 5

IMG_1572I’m glad I don’t have the responsibilities of a ruler. No one calls me the Queen Mother.

Well, I take that back. Sometimes my husband calls me a “queen.” He can do that, if he wants to. He’s my earthly king, after all. I’m crazy about him.

But, you know what I mean.

I’m glad I don’t have the fate of an entire country in my hands. I’m glad I don’t have to make decisions that affect the lives of millions of people. I’m glad I don’t have to worry about people speaking falsehood about me or people deceiving me or people flattering me with their tongues.

I mean, I guess even those who aren’t ruling a country experience such things, but I can’t imagine how much worse it is for those who pretty much live their lives in the eyes of the public.

I guess if I really wanted to revel in it, I could recall to mind times when others spoke unkindly about me, told me untruths, or lied to my face. Yeah…I could do that. But, I don’t wanna.

Not today.

Because today I want to remember the kindness of people. The goodness. ‘Cause there’s just too much evil in the world. And I hear all about it. All the time.

I don’t hear enough about the good stuff and sometimes I need to focus on what’s good. ‘Cause if I don’t, I might forget. And I don’t ever, ever want to forget that no matter how bad things are, there’s still a lot of good in this world.

“For You are not a God who takes pleasure in wickedness; No evil dwells with You. 

The boastful shall not stand before Your eyes; You hate all who do iniquity.

You destroy those who speak falsehood; The Lord abhors the man of bloodshed and deceit.

But as for me, by Your abundant lovingkindness, I will enter Your house, at Your holy temple I will bow in reverence for You.” Psalm 5:4-7

Oh. Gosh. How I need to remind myself that God rules. He sees. He hears. He loves what is good. He hates what is evil. He takes no pleasure in those who deliberately rebel against Him and those who purposely do evil with no thought of consequences.

How I need to remind myself that God sees. His sees my seeking, He considers my prayers, and He heeds the sound of my voice. verses 1-3

How I need to remind myself that God hears. He hears my words, He considers my groaning, and He heeds the sound of my cries. verses 1-3

He is King. The fate of the entire world is in His hands. Not mine.

God will make the final decision that will affect the lives of all people. I know because I’ve read His Book. From cover to cover. I know how it all ends.

My King knows falsehood when He experiences it because there is nothing false in Him. He knows deception when He sees it because there is nothing deceitful about Him. He knows flattery when He hears it because there is nothing insincere about Him.

He has the whole world in His hands.

I recently spoke these words at a women’s event and I’ve come to believe them with all my heart:

“If we believe that God is perfect then we have to believe that He is perfect in all of His ways. And if we believe that God is good then we have to believe He has a good plan and a good purpose for our lives, in spite of the bad things that happen to us.” 

When I wonder how much longer this world can remain and how much more evil this world can take, I remind myself that God is ever watchful. Ever patient. Ever in control.

As He is perfect, so is His timing in it all.

As He is good, so are His thoughts toward us all.

“Seek the Lord while He may be found; call upon Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way and the unrighteous man his thoughts; and let him return to the Lord, and He will have compassion on him, and to our God. For He will abundantly pardon. 

‘For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.'” Isaiah 55:6-9

Yes. Today I’ll focus on the lovingkindness of God when I enter into His presence. verse 7

Today I’ll focus on the way He guides and leads me when I walk in paths of righteousness. verse 8

Today I’ll focus on His favor and blessing around me when I love and praise His name. verses 11-12

And I will choose to remember He always speaks words of affirmation to me. His words are never false. Never deceiving. Never insincere. He’s crazy about me.

The Word of God is truth.

It is life.

And that is that.

“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return there without watering the earth and making it bear and sprout, and furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater; so will My word be which goes forth from My mouth…” Isaiah 55 10-11

 

You Hem Me In

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Before I flew out to California three weeks ago I hadn’t flown anywhere in thirteen years.

Because…and read my lips…I. HATE. FLYING.

I. FEAR. FLYING.

And not only that…I. AM. HEARING. IMPAIRED and I. WAS. FLYING. ALONE.

Y’all, I. WAS. SERIOUSLY. AFFLICTED.

Like, near the depths of despair.

Okay. So this may be a slight exaggeration.

But A.F.F.L.I.C.T.I.O.N. is the only word I feel accurately describes my state of being.

There. I said it.

Judge me if you want, but if you have an ounce of mercy in your pitiful hearts you will grace me instead.

I once read somewhere that most of our fears are ‘learned.’ We’re born with only two; fear of falling and fear of loud noises. I really don’t fear loud noises. My hearing impairment could obviously have something to do with that, but maybe the reason many of us have a fear of heights is because of that ingrained fear of falling and that could very well be why some of us really do NOT like to fly.

Most of us have at least one fear, maybe more, so even though our phobias may be different we can still understand the feelings and emotions behind them. It’s a terrible malady. If not for the grace of God I would never have gotten on that plane all by myself. Can you hear me in my whiny childish voice, “May I have a babysitter to hold my hand, please?” ‘Cause I seriously wanted one.

So maybe you can understand why it was such a BIG deal for me to ‘GO’ where God said ‘GO’,  to ‘DO’ what God said ‘DO’, to ‘FLY’ where God said ‘FLY.’

The only way I could kiss my sweet husband good-bye at the airport and enter the unknown alone was because in my heart of hearts, I knew God was going before me, God would not leave me comfortless, and…

God would be good to me. He could not, would not, disappoint me.

At the Raleigh airport I was comforted by very gracious airline employees. After Raleigh…well, let me just say…airline personnel don’t have a lot of sympathy for people like me. I’m neither completely deaf nor totally blind. I’m kinda caught in the middle. I can hear sounds, but I don’t have clarity. Forget trying to decipher anything that comes through a sound system. I need visuals. I need to see a face, read lips…you know the story.

Drawing from my life experiences, most people think that if you have hearing aids you don’t need the aid of people. To my dismay, airline personnel in Dallas couldn’t have cared less when I asked for their assistance in telling me when it was my turn to board. They pretty much forgot all about me.

I’ve had to learn in life to draw on what I know to be true about God and I knew He had not forgotten me,

“Can a woman forget her nursing child and have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands.” Isaiah 49: 15 & 16

I knew that if God had gone before me then He had prepared the hearts of certain individuals to stand in the gap for me. I just had to find them.

So, in that big, bustling Dallas airport swarming with humanity, I appealed to the God whose eyes were on me and scanned the crowd at the gate. You can tell so much by looking at faces, and thanks be to God, He directed me to an older man with a kind face. (I like kind.)

“Please, sir, would you mind telling me when they call Group 2? I’m hearing impaired and I can’t understand a thing they’re saying over that intercom.”

It was at that moment I realized something I almost forgot…the God who goes before me always makes a way in the journey. It’s just not always the way I expect. In a hearing-seeing world where I don’t hear and see like most people around me I have a part to play. I have to let God be God and trust Him enough to give me a push in the right direction when I need it.

God’s direction for me was to ‘get over myself’ and ‘get under His wing.’

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“He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge…” Psalm 91:4

There’s something about taking this journey with God that boosted my confidence and bolstered my courage in a way I’ve not experienced in a long, long time. There’s something about the way God made Himself known to me in very personal ways. Like in the Ontario airport on the return trip home when He guided me to a sweet senior woman. (I like sweet.)

We struck up a conversation and when I found out she was over 80 years old and flying alone I was properly put in my place, I can tell you that! But, it was in the more-daunting Dallas airport that God reminded me of something I’d almost forgotten,

He hems me in.

“You hem me in behind and before, and You lay Your hand upon me.” Psalm 139:5

As God set my sights on a young couple with compassion on their faces (I like compassion), I sat down beside them and made my appeal with no more fear behind the words. When it was our turn to board, as only God could instruct, this woman said to me,

“Now you let my husband go in front of you and I’ll go behind you. We’ll guide you along the way.”

The tears are flowing even now because this memory is so precious to me.

I may not always know what the journey holds, but when I trust in the goodness of God, He never disappoints me. His goodness shows up in kindness, in sweetness, and in the compassion of those whose hearts He has prepared to meet me.

I went from affliction to consolation. I’m so glad God never tires of reminding me, “Nina, I not only go before you, but I have your back. I will not let you fall, even though you fear the flight. I will uphold you with the palms of my hand and you will find refuge under my wings.” 

And I ask you, who needs a babysitter when God Himself hems me in?

The God Who Accessorizes

Okay, people. Here it is. The moment you’ve all been waiting for….

Ta-da!!!!!

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I have pimped my hearing aids.

Oh, I’m sorry…maybe I shouldn’t have said it quite like that. Let me rephrase…

I have jazzed up my hearing aids. I have reached a pivotal moment in my life. I am showing them off and making them stand out by accessorizing them.

I needed some new molds recently. My old molds were giving me an absolute fit!!!! They just would not stay in my ears. Every 5 minutes I was having to push them back in…with every move of my jaw they would ease out of my ear canal like an inch worm. Now for someone who likes to talk a lot you can certainly understand how my jaw is constantly on the move. I was ready to curse my hearing aids and put them death.

My ear doctor (and if you’ve been keeping up with me on my blog you know she is my fabulously sensitive and compassionate daughter-in-law) recommended some new molds made out of a different material. I’d been looking at some pictures of hearing aids on Pinterest all dolled-up with washi tape and brightly dyed molds…some of them even had glitter mixed in the dye!

Can I just say….to-die-for-cool!!!!

Oh, yes, can I have some of these, pretty please?!?

My new molds are actually tie-dyed yellow and green and of course, absolutely, without question….they have glitter.

Oooooooooo, I’m so giddy I’m ready to pop out of my chair.

I found some really pretty complimentary washi tape at Hobby Lobby and picked out a charm and some chain in the jewelry findings section and twa-LA! (don’t know what that word is, I just made it up) I made a darling little dangle to hang from my tubes.

BUT!!!! The best part of all is that my new molds stay in my ears ALL. DAY. LONG.

Oh, Sweet Jesus, I think I hear the Hallelujah Chorus….

For anyone who wears hearing aids you’ll understand when I say this is all a very huge, very major, very bold statement for me. When I was growing up they didn’t even make hearing aids to help people with hearing loss like mine. As a teenager, I was so ashamed of being hearing impaired, partly because I was already visually impaired due to the loss of my eye, that I didn’t talk about my hearing loss at all. I didn’t talk about my eye accident. To anyone. EVER.

Now you can’t shut me up.

I was talking to someone earlier this week about hearing loss. A woman I met who also wears hearing aids. We were talking about some of the ‘issues’ we encounter in life being hearing impaired and, like me, she doesn’t consider herself disabled or impaired. When I shared with her the issues I have of being hearing impaired without the peripheral vision, though, she actually stopped talking and blurted out a not-so-nice word that I won’t repeat here. It was her of way of saying, “Well, that stinks…”

Anyway, I use every opportunity I can when I share with others just how good God is to me in all of this. I guess I’ve become so comfortable that pimping-up my hearing aids (that’s actually what it’s called on Pinterest) is just another way for me to show God off. Cause when I show off my hearing aids, I can show others how beautifully God has accessorized my life…

Yes, God is a God who accessorizes. He makes all things beautiful in His time. And He’s made some wonderfully beautiful changes in my heart and soul. Over time, in His way, He has given me

…a crown of beauty for ashes… (Isaiah 61:3)

…a garland of grace on my head and presented me with a crown of splendor…(Proverbs 4:9)

…clothed me with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience (still working on that one)… Colossians 3:12

…treasures in heaven that are like fine pearls…(Matthew 13:44-46)

…the best robe, a ring on my finger, and sandals on my feet…(Luke 15:22) 

I think you get the picture.

I have so much to be thankful for as a child of the King. That’s the real reason I pimped-up my hearing aids. To give me more opportunity to tell people that.

God’s riches are so much more than just washi tape and tie-dyed hearing aid molds. So much more than hearing loss and vision loss. So much more than anything on this earth that I think is to-die-for-cool. I can jazz up my hearing aids all I want. I can change the washi tape and change the color of my molds and change the cute little dangles, but I can never change the fact that God’s way of accessorizing my life is better than anything this world could ever offer me.

So….ta-da!!! This is the real moment I’ve been waiting for….

God, can I show You off?

When The Eyes Aren’t Enough

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There’s a reason why there are five senses: Sight. Hearing. Taste. Smell. Touch.

They help us to experience life in the every day.

When I lost my left eye in an accident as a child I was never told there was anything I wouldn’t be able to do. I didn’t grow up thinking I was any worse off for the loss. I adapted. I didn’t just cope, I carried on.

Truthfully…I had a wonderful childhood. Thanks to parents who didn’t fuss over me. They wanted me to have pleasant life experiences.

No one told me early in life that my depth perception would change. I didn’t even know what depth perception was. I grew up learning to sew in a 4-H class one summer and didn’t seem to fret over threading needles. And I played sports in high school. I ran track, played field hockey and wore a cute little cheerleader’s uniform. I did get hit right smack in the eye socket one time by a fly softball playing on the church lawn. That was pretty painful, but without the peripheral vision it was an accident waiting to happen. But, you know? Even people with two good eyes have shared the same pain.

Probably more problematic for me than the loss of depth perception is the loss of peripheral vision. Because I also have hereditary, degenerative hearing loss I am now severely hearing impaired. Which means…if someone comes up beside me on my left side I don’t see them, neither do I hear them. Scary, huh?

My boss at the small town cafe where I worked for three years got a BIG kick out of coming up on my left side and giving me a tickle at the waist. No lie…I jumped every single time. I even let out a squeal. One time he surprised me when the floor was packed with customers having a pleasant dining experience. Let’s just say, after that, he usually waited until there were fewer patrons for fear of starting a stampede. Seriously, if you ever want to run people off just give me a call. You give me a scare and I’ll scream for you.

I guess working at a restaurant wasn’t the most suitable place for a visually and hearing impaired person, but the funny thing is…no one thought of me as ‘disabled.’ Part of the beauty of being able to experience life is not to focus on what I don’t have. I focus on what I do. I still have some of my sight. I still have some of my hearing. I can still taste. I can still smell. I can still touch. Working around all that food at the town cafe certainly brought out the best in my remaining senses.

Did you know there are five basic tastes? Sweet. Bitter. Sour. Salty. Umami. Umami? That’s a new one for me. Had to look it up…it’s a savory taste. Had to look that up, too…it’s an aromatic plant of the mint family, used as a culinary herb, but technically it means it’s full of flavor, delicious.

Whew. You didn’t know this was going to be a culinary lesson, did you? Actually, I have a point. I promise.

Every day life shouldn’t be something we just do. It’s something we should experience. Half the time we don’t even realize how our senses work overtime in helping us get the most out of life. Not just to live like a mindless drone, but live it wonderfully and well. Even when life is hard to understand it’s possible to get clarity and perception when we keep our eyes on the goodness of God.

“O taste and see that the Lord is good, how blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!” Psalm 34:8

I like it in the New Century Version, too: “Examine and see how good the Lord is. Happy is the person who trusts Him.”

Is it possible to taste God’s goodness? I believe it is.

But… here’s the million dollar question…how will I know what something tastes like if I don’t put it in my mouth and see for myself?

“Your words were found and I ate them, and Your words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart; for I have been called by Your name, O Lord God of hosts.” Jeremiah 15:16

I can see something with my eyes. I can suppose what it might taste like. I can imagine what it might taste like. But, until I taste it, I won’t know for sure.

And that’s a very powerful thought. I want to experience the presence of God. I want to practice the presence of God. I don’t want to hear about Him from someone else. I want to see Him for myself.

I was sitting at a large family-style dinner table in a large dining hall many years ago with eleven other people. In the center of the table was a little bowl with some creamy-looking white sauce. No one seemed to know what it was. So me, being the most curious and quite possibly the bravest, decided to taste it. I didn’t just put a little on the tip of my finger. Oh, no. I took a spoonful. Horseradish. For real. I nearly died of asphyxiation.

Just because something looks good and is pleasing to the eye doesn’t mean that it is.

I can’t just sit back and wait for God’s goodness to reveal itself. Oh, I know it will. I don’t have to do anything to be a recipient, but I do have to choose to see it, hear it, taste it, smell it, even touch it. God’s goodness is part of His character and it can’t be taken out of Him. His good gifts are always raining down, even when I don’t see them, even when I’m not paying attention. But, when I sit up and take notice, my senses come alive and I don’t just think God is good. I know.

Because I experience God.

Because I take refuge in God.

Because I trust in the God of my salvation.

YES! The Lord is good. He is pleasing to all five senses. He is beautiful to my eyes, music to my ears, savory to my mouth, aromatic to my nose, and tender to my touch.

Because of Jesus, my eyes can see the goodness of God clearly. My ears hear perfectly. My mouth tastes pleasantly. My nose smells sweetly. My hands touch softly.

Whew. Thank You, Lord, for the culinary lesson. You add the umami to my life. Because of Your presence I can carry on…